No Return
by Zoja
Summary: The kiss he exchanged with Sam in "Window of Opportunity" made Jack realise what they were missing. He is ready to fight for it, but will this determination be enough, or will something stand on their way to happiness?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I haven't watched Stargate SG-1 until recently, it is my first fanfiction for this show and I have to admit I feel a little nervous publishing it. It is an idea inspired by "Window of Opportunity", which is one of my favourite episodes. Thank you to _**B**__**yrhthelm**_ for correcting my mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the show or its characters; no financial profit is made from this story. It is for entertainment purposes only**_._**

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**CHAPTER 1**

A gentle frown made its way onto his face when he stopped in the middle of one of the most familiar corridors on the base. It was a matter of just two more steps and he would be standing in the door to his second-in-command's lab and he would be able to see her tinkering with some sort of a doohickey that one of the teams – or maybe even they – brought to Earth to have a closer look at. It was the place, where she could always be found whenever anyone claimed that they haven't seen Major Carter for a while, and he was quite certain it was exactly where she was right now. The only problem was that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing there. He was on his way to the surface with a plan to go home, order a pizza, grab a beer and crash on the couch watching the game. Yet, sometime during his ride in the elevator he was struck with this brilliant idea of going to see her and here he stood right now, wondering if he should proceed, or maybe it would be better if he turned around and followed his initial plan.

As much as the latter seemed like a better idea, he found himself walking forward, stopping in the entrance to the room and leaning against the doorframe. A corner of his lips moved up a little, when he noticed the blonde woman leaning over some sort of a device, which she managed to take apart by now and studying it carefully, gently biting down on her bottom lip as she concentrated on whatever the gizmo was. She was so engrossed in it that she didn't hear or see him appear – or she just chose to ignore it for a moment, as it seemed she always knew when he showed up, turning around to greet him with a smile on her face before he had a chance to alert her to his presence. Not this time, though, and it gave him a really good opportunity to try and figure out what it was that brought him to her.

It wasn't so difficult to guess what it was, although acknowledging it was an entirely different matter. He was doing his best to avoid her ever since that conversation with her and Daniel in the commissary, when Jackson asked him if he was tempted to do something crazy while they were stuck in the time loop. Daniel would probably try pushing him into revealing it if it wasn't for Dr. Williams, another of their archaeologists, calling out his name, and made him suddenly remember that he had promised the man he would work with him on some translations. He had then left his two military friends alone and Jack expected Carter to say something, especially that he could see that her curiosity was raised high, but she didn't. He might have not given them any straight answer, but she was definitely clever enough to figure out that his long look at her as well as the smug expression on his face was a confirmation that there was at least one thing and it had something to do with her. She didn't question it though, probably figuring out that knowing him, it was quite possible that she didn't really want to know.

Still, it turned out to be just the beginning and the more time passed, the more he started to doubt that this kiss in the control room, which had seemed like the most brilliant notion he had ever gotten, was such a good idea after all. It was supposed to be a chance for him to do something that under normal circumstances he would never be able to do and the fact that she wouldn't remember anything was a very good security in case his actions were unwelcome. It was exactly why he waited until the last possible moment, knowing that if she was offended by the kiss, she wouldn't get the chance to make a scene. Her reaction didn't disappoint him, though; she was tense at first, when he took her face in his hands, placed his lips on hers and dipped her, caught completely by surprise, but it wore off quite quickly and before he knew that, she relaxed in his arms and was kissing him back, putting her whole heart into it. It was really difficult not to scream in frustration after they were enveloped in a white light and he found himself sitting opposite her and Daniel with a spoonful of fruit loops half-way to his mouth, and it was a similar feeling to what he was experiencing now.

He was truly starting to see kissing her as a mistake. Oh, he definitely wouldn't mind doing it again, especially that he now knew that it wouldn't be unwelcome at all, but it still felt wrong. It was one thing that she had absolutely no idea that something like this has ever taken place and he couldn't help wishing that she did, but more importantly, the kiss, or more exactly her reaction to it, seemed to have unlocked a heavily guarded place in his heart, where he hid away all the feelings that he had for her, and allowed them to come to the surface. It made him consider all the what ifs connected to the two of them, which he didn't allow himself to think about before, even though during the second Za'tarc testing he heard her admit that she had feelings, which she certainly shouldn't have for her CO. They agreed to keep all those feelings locked in that room, yet with his actions during the time loop, he opened the room to take a peek inside, truly liked what he saw inside and found himself unable to just forget about it and move on.

He eventually decided it was going to be best if he avoided her for some time (at least until the next mission, when he wouldn't be able to escape her presence any longer), because whenever he found himself in the same room, his eyes were immediately drawn to her and it was really, _really_ difficult to prevent himself from staring absent-mindedly, while he was reliving the wonderful couple of seconds, when he got to hold her in his arms with absolutely no inhibitions between them. When he was brought back to earth for the fourth time on the same day, by General Hammond this time, he knew that he couldn't continue like this. It was just a matter of time when he wouldn't be able to put the people off anymore and the last thing he wanted was to involuntarily bring troubles upon them. With the threat of the Goa'uld and replicators constantly on their minds, it was the last thing they needed.

Yet, here he stood now and once again, he found himself unable to take his eyes off her. He would never admit it out-loud of course, but the reason why he was sitting in her lab, while she was playing with the alien devices so often wasn't because he truly enjoyed disturbing her and seeing how far he could go before she would make it very clear that she wanted him to leave, but without crossing the border of insubordination. Of course, he liked that too, but it was nothing in comparison to how much he loved to see the expression on her face, her blue eyes shining with curiosity and fascination, the gentle smile on her lips or the way she nibbled on her bottom lip, when the task required her to be truly careful.

"Sir?"

Her voice was what made him realise that he was staring at her once again, while he allowed his mind to wander. He blinked and saw her watch him carefully with a questioning look, trying to figure out what was going on. He cleared his throat and stood straight, putting his hands deeper into his pockets, while he stepped into the room and glanced around. He couldn't deny that after the Za'tarc testing, things have gotten slightly uncomfortable between them, but right now the tension in the room was terribly awkward.

"Is everything okay, Sir?" she asked, when he finally turned around to face her, although his eyes were focused on whatever it was that she was working on. Right now it looked like a pile of junk, that he would have no idea how to put together even if the existence of the entire universe depended on it.

She would be lying if she said that she wasn't surprised to see the Colonel standing in the door to her lab, especially at this hour of the day, when they weren't expected to go on any mission. On those days he would always get out of the base as soon as possible, yet he didn't seem to be in any hurry now. Moreover, his presence there was the more shocking considering that she almost hasn't seen him at all for the last two days and she couldn't think of any reason, which would suddenly bring him to her. And there was also this look in his eyes, the same one that appeared every time he caught a sight of her ever since the time loop, and which made her heart skip a beat every single time. There was something in his gaze that made her breath get caught in her chest and caused the fluttering feeling in her stomach, but she didn't dare allow herself to dwell on it, especially not after they agreed to keep what was between them locked away in that room.

It didn't prevent her mind from wondering what could cause such conduct in the man and she was certain that something must have happened between them while he and Teal'c were stuck in the time loop. Technically, whatever it was didn't really happen after the reset and thus she had absolutely no recollection of it, but a part of her wished that she had. She had a feeling that she should, and maybe even would like to remember it, even if only to understand O'Neill's behaviour.

Keeping his eyes glued to the table, he opened his lips a couple of times only to close them after a few seconds. The only sound, which escaped them was a frustrated groan, which he let out while he moved one of his hands through his hair. Sam looked at him in surprise, unable to understand his fidgeting, but it seemed to have helped him as after a moment he stood straighter and looked straight at her with determination burning in his eyes.

"It can't go on like this." he eventually spoke and Carter's eyebrows moved up.

"What are you talking about, Sir?" she asked, the tone of her voice indicating that she was starting to question his sanity. He couldn't really blame her, though, considering that he was very close to losing his mind during the last three months of reliving the same ten hours over and over again and his actions towards her during the last couple of days definitely didn't work to his advantage.

"I don't…" he stopped, turning his head to look at the door, the look he sent in their direction caused Siler to stop dead in his tracks. "If it's not about to explode - it can wait, Sergeant." he said to the NCO. "And close the door behind you!"

Siler nodded his head muttering 'Yes, Sir'.

With that he turned to face Carter once again and he couldn't help but smirk, when he saw her cross her arms on her chest and look at him in a way, which could be considered insubordination without her opening her lips. She didn't need to say anything at all, the message in her eyes was clear enough.

"I'm starting to doubt that we've made a good decision with, well…" he moved one of his hand in front of himself, as if it was going to help him find the words he needed, but he only groaned in frustration. He really wasn't good at speaking about such matters, and even less so when somebody was looking at him this way. "Damn…" he muttered and the way Sam's features softened a little let him know that she understood he was struggling there, and even though she wasn't going to help him out with it, she was going to give him time. "What I want to say is that being stuck in this time loop made me realise a couple of things and one of them is that what we have is special… Yet, instead of fighting for it, we are wasting time and letting it slip away from us, and I'm not sure I am up to doing it any longer."

He knew he didn't need to be more specific for her to figure out what he was talking about and he was certain she did that when her eyes widened in shock. He had no idea what she expected to hear, but she obviously didn't expect that he would bring this matter up. There'd been more than several weeks since they were forced to admit its existence and just like they agreed, they hadn't mentioned it, not even once, and he believed she had every right to be surprised. It might have taken him a lot of time to make up his mind and address it, but for her it was still coming out of the blue.

At first, she couldn't believe what she heard. She blinked a couple of times, pretty convinced that she must have misunderstood him but it was then, that she noticed the way he was looking at her. There it was again, this look, this tenderness in his eyes, which was tormenting her for the last two days and she understood that her first thoughts were right, that it was exactly what he was speaking about. Her heart jumped at this comprehension, while her eyes widened in shock and for a moment, she just stood there, staring at him agape and trying to gather her thoughts. A mix of completely different, practically opposite feelings and thoughts ran through her body and mind, making her unable to respond. Generally, she seemed to be divided in half; one part of her, the one led by her heart, wanted to walk up to him, wrap her arms tightly around him and never let go; the other one, driven by her logical mind, knew that as easy as it seemed, it wouldn't resolve anything, that it was just the very tip of an iceberg of everything that was standing between them.

"For crying out loud, Sam, _say something_!" he spoke up again, but his voice lacked its usual boldness, which was replaced by anxiety, perfectly matching the uncertainty in his eyes.

However, she found it difficult to speak, even more so when she allowed her gaze to met his. There was something in his eyes, which she didn't think she has ever seen before; or maybe she has, that day on Apophis' ship when they were stuck on different sides of the force shield and he understood that there was nothing he could do to save her. The ever confident, maybe even slightly cocky man suddenly seemed so vulnerable and it made her heart clench. She knew – or hoped – that this day would come at one point, when she would be facing this decision but she didn't expect it would happen so soon. That was it, though; the moment, which would dictate the direction, which their relationship would go in. He made his feelings about it clear and it was now up to her to decide what it was going to be and there were only two available options – all or nothing. Maybe not literally nothing, considering they would still be on the same team, unable to sever their acquaintance, but there was no doubts that their relations would be completely professional. He wouldn't ask her to change her mind, he would take her answer and follow this path and there would be no turning back.

"Where does it come from..? What happened..?" she finally managed to say and Jack's heart sunk. If she was asking this question, it meant that she was analysing everything in that genius head of hers and he had a feeling that it didn't bode well. Anyhow, there was no turning back now. Sam, on the other hand, wasn't able to prevent her mind from wandering in this direction. It was obvious that something must have happened to cause this change of heart in him, especially that just few days earlier he was perfectly fine with the way things were and she needed to know it. She felt like she needed to know the whole picture to be able to truly make up her mind, so that her mind and heart could at least try to reach an agreement.

"I've… done something… and it made me think. It made me realise that leaving it hanging like this is the stupidest thing we can possibly do. We should decide what it is that we want – whether we give it a chance, see where it leads us or we put a cross on it and move on with our lives." he held his hand up, seeing her open her lips, preventing her from voicing her thoughts. "I _know_ that it's not that easy. This situation is much more complicated than I could ever imagine finding myself in, but we're never going to work it out if we don't make _any_ choice. I think I've made it clear what I want, and I'm willing to take my chances to give it a try…" he paused, waiting for her response. "It's all up to you, Sam; one word and I'm never going to bring it up again." he added, when he didn't receive any and sighed inwardly, continuing to watch her.

He could see the mix of emotions in her features, he could almost watch the internal battle that was taking place inside her, while he waited for her answer, for any indication what she wanted. The problem was that she didn't seem to be aware of it herself and found herself completely speechless. She didn't really expect to see him until the next mission, and she definitely didn't expect him to come to her lab with his heart in his hands and offer it to her if she wanted to take it. It wasn't truly so simple, it was all much too complicated for it to be so, but it was the generally what was happening right now and she couldn't help feeling overwhelmed.

"I…" she started, but wasn't given a chance to finish. She was interrupted by the door being suddenly open and Daniel storming inside with his eyes buried in a paper, which he held in his hands.

"Sam, have you finished the report for General Hammond? I just ran into him and he said that he can give us a moment if we've got everything ready." he spoke, without even looking up and it was only when he was met with silence, that he raised his eyes from the document. He immediately stopped, his eyebrows furrowing a little when he saw his two friends and sensed the tension, awkwardness present in the air, the unspoken question very clear in his eyes.

"Just let me know your answer, Major." Jack spoke once again, his voice and attitude back to the CO mode; still, the way he looked at her before his gaze regained indifference completed the message – she didn't really have to do anything, and he would simply take it as a sign that she didn't want the same. Then, he pushed his hands deep into his pockets and walked past Daniel, leaving her lab without really acknowledging the presence of the younger man.

"Did I interrupt something?" asked Jackson, puzzled by the scene that he had just witnessed. He watched O'Neill walk away before he turned to face Sam once again, finding her staring after the Colonel as well, lost in her thoughts. "Sam?"

"Uh, sorry Daniel. Yes, I've got the report ready, we can take it to the General." she said, walking to her desk to find the needed folder. Her heart was still beating wildly in her chest and her hands were shaking a little, what didn't escape her friend's attention.

"Is everything okay?"

"Of course." she said, a little too quickly, putting on the best smile she was able to force onto her face and before he had a chance to inquire more, she added: "Let's go see the General, he's probably waiting for us."

He might have not been the most perceptive person in the universe, yet he could see that something was off and he had a feeling that it had something to do with Jack's surprising visit to her lab. Still, it was equally obvious that she didn't want to talk about it. Whatever the problem was, perhaps his friends were going to be able to solve it on their own. If not, it would be his cue to act but for now, he decided to let it go.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you very much for your response to the first chapter! Unfortunately, I am not able to respond to the reviews submitted from Guest accounts, but I really appreciate you taking time to let me know what you think! I just thought I'd let you know that the first chapter has been replaced with a corrected version, but other than my mistakes, nothing has been changed. I hope this chapter will not disappoint you.

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**CHAPTER 2**

It was an early evening, when she went out for a walk with the hope that it would help her clear her head at least a little. There were a lot of thoughts circling in her mind, all connected to the decision she was facing and after she sat down on the couch with a mug of coffee in her hands and the intention of thinking about this situation, all she managed to achieve was a terrible headache. The internal battle inside her continued; there was only one possible option for her heart, her mind however kept questioning its correctness.

It seemed obvious that if she ever wanted to find true happiness in her personal life, she had to follow the path made available for them by Jack O'Neill. He was the man she was in love with and even if by some chance she managed to move on, he would always hold a very significant place in her heart. If, at the beginning of their acquaintance, somebody had told her that she would hold such feelings towards this man, she would have called them insane. She would have to be blind not to notice his physical attractiveness, yet she would never believe she could even like somebody so arrogant and cocky, who questioned her usefulness just because she was a scientist. Still, she soon realised that he was a much more complicated person than she would have ever suspected. She actually came to admire him as a leader, appreciate his sense of humour and positive attitude to her often crazy ideas. It was done unintentionally, yet at some point during the last three years she had fallen head over heels in love with him and the strength of her feelings made her doubt that she would ever be able to forget about him.

At the same time, she was aware how perilous it was to choose to follow her heart's lead. They would be forced both to keep everything in secret and risk facing serious consequences in case they were discovered, or make sacrifices, which she wasn't sure either of them was ready for. How could they be, when they didn't even know if their relationship was going to work out? It could turn out to be the best thing in their lives, and that would certainly make it worth those sacrifices, but at the same time, it could turn out to be a complete disaster, leaving them with nothing. Moreover, how would they choose which one of them should be the one to adjust? They both loved their jobs and were invaluable to their team and the program in general; also, neither of them would want to let the other be the one to leave SG-1. The best option seemed to keep everything a secret, at least until they would be able to decide how serious they were about this relationship, and if it even stood a chance in the first place. If, however, it was found out, they could be both court-martialled and lose everything; and the truth was that she knew quite a handful of people, who would be very happy if presented with such a perfect opportunity to compromise SG-1 and harm the reputation of the program.

The cool evening air turned out to be quite helpful indeed and it seemed to have made it easier for her to focus and think what was it that she truly wanted. The weight of the decision was overwhelming; her whole life seemed to depend on this choice and she was absolutely terrified that she would make a mistake, but realise it only after it would be too late to fix it and she would be forced to live in regret for the rest of her life. How was she supposed to do it then? How was she supposed to know which of those choices was the right one? She couldn't even discuss it with anybody; there was nobody, who she could explain the dilemma to and who could help her see it from a different perspective, possibly making it easier.

She didn't really have any particular place in mind or where she wanted to go and it was only when she reached a familiar place, that she was brought back to reality after being lost in her thoughts and she realised where she was. She didn't have any problems recognising the neighbourhood, where Colonel O'Neill's house was located; she actually found herself standing right in front of it and she wasn't able not to gently snort. It seemed that her subconscious had led her all the way there, that her thinking of him leading her to the place where he lived. It also made her realise how long she was actually out; their houses weren't very far away from each other, yet they weren't exactly close either and that it was completely dark by now, something she hadn't seemed to notice before, only emphasized how much time had passed. Nevertheless, she had finally found the answer for which she was looking, and taking a deep breath, she approached the Colonel's house, preparing herself for what was about to come.

She let out a long, shaky breath, raising her hand and knocking three times. Her heart was thundering in her chest, but she wasn't sure if it had actually slowed down for even a second since the conversation in her lab. Her whole body was trembling, although she wasn't sure whether it was because she was so nervous or so cold – probably a mix of both. It seemed to have last an eternity, during which she had almost turned and ran a couple of times before she heard sounds coming from the other side of the door. Then, before she knew it, she was standing face to face with him and all the courage she was able to gather, as well as the words, which she had prepared and kept repeating in her head, momentarily vanished.

"Carter?" he asked, looking at her with an obvious surprise in his eyes.

She was one of the last people, who he had in mind when he was placing the bottle of bear on the coffee table in front of the couch he was sitting on and stood up to see, who decided to pay him a visit. There was a moment, when he considered to simply ignore it altogether but eventually decided to check – it could be something important after all. And now he knew that it was; he couldn't think of many reasons why he would find an obviously anxious Samantha Carter on his doorstep at such a time of the day, and unless something had happened, she came to continue their conversation from earlier. He stared at her for a moment, trying his best to find any indication of what she was going to say in her body language, but other than the fact that she was extremely nervous, he couldn't see anything.

He swallowed, starting to grow nervous as well. If he was right when it came to the reason of her appearance, something very significant for his life was just about to happen. Either way, it was going to change. The remaining question was, basically, whether the woman standing in front of him was going to be present in it or not. He hoped for the former, of course; he couldn't imagine his life without her and he really wanted something more than the friendly CO to subordinate relationship they enjoyed now. After everything they have done, putting the importance of the safety of the world – universe – in front of their own happiness, risking their own lives just so that others could complain just how much money they were 'wasting' each year, it really wasn't a lot to ask for. It wasn't entirely up to him, though; he knew she cared about him, too, but it what she wanted didn't necessarily have to be the same.

"Umm… May I come in, Sir?" she asked, apprehensively raising her eyes to look at him, while she continued to fidget with her hands.

"What?" he was startled by the sound of her voice, but quickly shook it off. "Oh! Of course!" he said, moving to the side and giving her space to walk into the house.

He closed the door behind her and turned around. He stood there, rocking on his heels and watching her for a moment longer, and he could almost see all the wheels turning in her head while he waited for her to say something - anything. He didn't really have anything to add to what he told her before, and he also didn't want to press her to hurry up and give him the answer. It was also difficult to come up with any sort of conversation with something so huge hanging between them, making the atmosphere tense and rather uncomfortable.

"You were right, Sir." she said, after taking another deep breath and once again raising her gaze, but this time looking straight into his eyes. There was something in her eyes that made his heart flutter, and he had to fight an overwhelming desire to reach out his hand and cup her face, as well as remind himself that it didn't mean anything. There were a lot of things that he said and she could agree with him on a lot of them, not necessarily _this_ one. "We can't go on like this anymore."

Before he was able to respond in any way, she took a step forward and placed her hands on both sides of his face. She paused just for long enough to check for any sign that what she was about to do could be unwelcome, and in the next second she pressed her lips against his. For a moment, he was completely stunned, not able to believe what was actually happening; he felt like a huge weight was lifted off his heart, which was beating furiously in his chest, while he realised the meaning of her actions. Then, as if suddenly woken up from a little trance, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, pressing her against himself and kissing her back.

They were completely breathless when the kiss came to an end. It was a fervent, fierce kiss, reflecting the intensity of all the feelings they kept bottled-up for the last three years. He didn't let go of her, though; his lips simply moved to place kisses along her jaw line, his tongue flickering against the little spot behind her ear. He smirked, hearing the soft moan that escaped her lips and feeling her melt into his arms.

"Are you sure? This is your last chance to…" he started, when he felt her hands tug at his t-shirt, pulling it up and unmistakably trying to take it off. Her actions were a good indication of what she wanted, but if they were to cross this line, there would be absolutely no turning back and he wanted to make sure that she was absolutely certain about it. He was quickly cut off, when she kissed him again and the message behind it couldn't be more clear.

He let go of any inhibitions that he might have been still holding onto and kissed her back with everything he had. Never breaking even the slightest of physical contact, they walked to his bedroom, dropping clothes on their way only to fall naked on the bed. They made love as if there was no tomorrow, finally able to express everything they felt for each other, and eventually fell asleep in each other's arms, sated and happy.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Writing fluffy chapters is always a slight struggle for me, I'm definitely much better with whumpy angst, so this chapter appears later than I hoped it would, but I hope you're going to enjoy it.

Thanks to **_By_**_**rhthelm **_for correcting my mistakes.

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**CHAPTER 3**

She couldn't help smiling when the consciousness slipped back into her mind in the morning. She carefully stretched and moved closer to the man she was lying beside, resting her head on his chest and breathing in the familiar scent, which was so uniquely his. She realised that he was awake as well, when he immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulders and placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. Neither of them was ready to get up yet, though and they just lay there in silence for a moment longer.

It wasn't like they have never snuggled together before; whenever they shared a tent off-world, no matter how much distance was between them in the evening, they would always manage to get close at some point during the night. It was more than just a couple of times that they woke up with one of them spooned behind the other or in the same position that they were lying now. Now, however, it was the first time that it didn't cause them any awkwardness, as it always would whenever they were both aware that it happened, and they didn't need to act as if it has never taken place. They could simply enjoy this closeness.

If there were still any doubts left in her mind about the decision she had made on the previous evening, they completely vanished. It was as if a huge weight of her feelings for him was lifted off her shoulders; the importance of keeping them locked up in the farthest corner of her heart so that nobody, including the man in question, would know about their existence had evaporated. It seemed to have gotten even worse, even more difficult during the last couple of weeks – or actually months, since they were reliving the same day for at least three of them – and being here now, with him, she suddenly felt free. What she felt for him wasn't a burden anymore, quite the contrary; it was the base of happiness, which was filling every little corner of her heart. If anything could convince her that choosing to take a risk and explore those forbidden feelings was the right thing to do, it was definitely the way she felt in that moment.

She was aware that it was just the tip of an iceberg for them, although now that they were on a certain path, it was easier to consider all the circumstances. They would soon have to face the reality of their lives and there was a lot standing in their way, their job being the biggest matter of all. In the glimmer of consciousness last night, she asked him what they would do with their situation; they were two officers of the United States Air Force, serving not only in the same base but even in the same team, and if it wasn't bad enough, he was directly her CO. He made it clear that he believed it would be best to keep it quiet, at least for some time and she had to agree with him, despite the consequences it could bring. She also found it funny to think about her opinion about the women, who had affairs with their bosses, finding it the easiest way to get to the top. She has never really tried to hide it, doing her best to prove that women weren't in any way worse than men and could do the same thing as well, if not better than them. If by some accident, they were found out, she would not only be labelled as one of them – no, she would be famous as the most pathetic of them all. The real truth, the fact that she was as far as it was possible from doing it for career advancement, wouldn't matter and the rumours circulating around the SGC about the two of them certainly wouldn't help – it would probably end up being their confirmation. It surprised even her, but the longer she thought about it, the more she realised that she didn't really care – the choice she had made could turn out to be the best in her entire life and she was entirely happy with it.

"You know, I can almost see all these wheels turning in your head, Carter… What are you thinking about so intently at such an hour of the day?" his voice brought her back from her reflections and they shifted, so they were both lying on their sides, his head propped-up on his hand, putting just enough distance between each other to be able to look at the other's face.

"Well, _this_." she said, and the way she spoke the word left Jack with no doubts that she was speaking about everything that had changed between them during the last twelve hours.

"Any regrets, second thoughts?" he asked, feeling his stomach clench into a tight knot.

It was something he feared the most about this sudden turn of events - that she would wake up in the morning and realise that she had made a mistake. Even though he knew that she wasn't the sort of person to constantly change their mind, he was still worried that it could happen this time and it scared the hell out of him. The moment he walked out of her lab he knew, that one way or another, nothing was ever going to be the same between them again. He dreaded the thought that she would push him away, but he now knew that it wasn't the worst case scenario; the thought of her succumbing into her heart's desires, which he was aware now _were_ the same as his, only to walk away at the first opportunity was even worse. He wouldn't try to stop her if it was what she wanted, as he cared about her strongly enough to let her go if it would make her happy. He didn't dare to call the feelings he had for her love, even though he was aware that if he wasn't already, he was very close to getting there, but he was absolutely certain that if his worries came true, it would be a blow to his heart, from which he wouldn't be able to recover.

It was, actually, what terrified him the most – the thought of losing her. If it was her decision to leave, he would at least have the awareness that she was well and happy, but considering what they were doing, there was also the constant possibility that she could be taken away from him by their enemy. He was certain that this time, he wouldn't be able to move on and the possibility of getting over it was completely nonexistent, how much could one person take, after all? Even after all these years, he has never gotten over Charlie's death, and in fact his divorce with Sara as well, although the latter was something he had actually managed to, in a way, move on from. The fact that his feelings for Sam developed was the best indication, and he knew that Samantha Carter was not only his opportunity for a second chance, but also the only person, who could help him leave this part of his past behind for good. But he was still afraid of the thought of committing himself to her, scared that it would be taken away from him or that he would do something to screw everything up once again, knowing that it would destroy him.

Sam's brows furrowed when she saw the frown appear on his face and she started to wonder what he was thinking about. She was sure it was nothing good, considering the gloomy expression in his eyes, and she felt slightly surprised, considering that she hadn't yet given him an answer to his question. She reached out and touched his face, feeling the rough stubble on her skin; he blinked, realising that he drifted off a little when he saw her questioning gaze, her slight concern clear in her eyes.

"No, Sir. I have absolutely no second thoughts about it." she finally answered, smiling a little and he let out a breath, which he didn't even know he was holding.

"Seriously?" he snorted, rolling his eyes. The way she looked at him left let him know that she had no idea what it was about. "Carter, you're lying naked in my bed and you still call me _'Sir'_?" he asked and a corner of his mouth moved up a little, when he noticed her blush.

"Ugh, sorry... Habit, I guess…" she explained, now understanding his reaction perfectly. It was definitely one of those situations, when she could forget about the etiquette, although she found it a little strange to think about him differently than Colonel O'Neill, who he always was for her.

"You will have to drop it, then. I will have to get over it on the base, during missions and when we're amongst people, who would found it strange if you suddenly switched to calling me Jack, but other than that I want you to use my name."

"Does that mean that you will use mine, then?" she inquired and saw him shrug in response.

"Carter _is_ your name, and besides, I like it. Honestly – how many people call you that?" he asked and she knew what he meant. It was pretty much his special, sort of affectionate name for her, one used only by him just like it was with Danny for Daniel and T for Teal'c. She was Sam to her friends, and Major to the rest; the man in front of her was the only one calling her Carter and as much as she loved hearing him use her first name, she grew quite fond of it. 'Sam' coming from his lips was a very rare occurrence, one that happened only when he had something truly meaningful to say, and it always made her heart skip a beat. She had to admit that it would be somewhat strange if he suddenly switched to it, as if it would suddenly lose its meaning.

A smug smile made its way onto his face, when he guessed what she was thinking and he gently touched her face, tenderly caressing her cheek while he looked into her eyes. Those deep, expressive blue eyes, which had haunted his dreams for a long time now, were certainly his favourite of her assets, even if only one of many. He doubted that there was anyone who would disagree with him if he said that this woman had any number of qualities. For a start, she wasn't only breathtakingly beautiful, but also extremely intelligent, and he could only wonder how in the world he had been so lucky to have attracted her. He was convinced she could have any man she wanted, and yet for some strange, inexplicable reason, it was him she chose – an old, battered soldier with a difficult past, which he would never be able to fully leave behind. There was no way he would ever do anything to actually deserve her, but he was certainly going to try.

"So, have any plans for your day off?" he asked, his heart filling with hope.

Even though just on the previous day he wasn't really looking forward to having a day off, he would much rather go on a mission so that he could take his mind off certain things, now it could turn out to be an advantage. If only she was free and agreed, he could get to spend the whole day with her, instead of just some short time in the morning before she would have to leave.

"I was thinking I could use the free time to finally try and figure out what is the device that SG-4 had brought from P3S-977 and how it works. With everything going on recently, I just didn't have the opportunity to…" she stopped, when she saw him frown and hold up his hand, preventing her from saying anything else.

"There's _no way_ I'm letting you spend such a beautiful day as it seems today is going to be bricked up in your lab playing with another one of your doohickeys." he said. He had checked the forecast on the previous day and knew that it was supposed to be warm and sunny, and if the rays of sunlight coming to his bedroom through the window were any evidence, the meteorologists were right. "My plan was to go on a hike in the Cheyenne Mountain State Park. It would be nicer if you came along."

Sam chuckled, shaking her head. She had never thought she would use the word 'cute' to describe him, but the way he was looking at her in that moment, with a pleading expression in his brown eyes and a hint of smile on his lips. It was almost as if she was looking at the little boy, who was silently begging her to accompany him and she knew she was in trouble; how on earth was she supposed to say no, when he was looking at her like this? Not that she actually wanted to turn down his invitation, she was eager to spend the day with him, but if he ever realised what sort of effect this gaze had on her, she would be in deep trouble.

"I'd love to go." she eventually said and his lips widened into a huge grin. "I've been planning to go there ever since I moved to Colorado Springs, but I never really got around to do that."

"Come on, Carter, you've got to be kidding! Are you saying that you've lived here for over three years, work under Cheyenne Mountain, yet you have never went on a hike in the park?!" he exclaimed, obviously shocked by her revelation and she only nodded, blushing a little. "Well, now that I think about it, I shouldn't be that surprised… With the fact that you prefer spending your free time stuck under a mountain and playing with mysterious alien devices to enjoying the clear air, peace and freedom of Northern Minnesota, relaxing on a dock with a fishing rod in your hands, I should have guessed that you hadn't gone to explore the beauty of this area."

"Hey, I wanted to! It's not my fault that we spend way more time on other planets than on our own, and when we aren't off-world we're usually on base anyway, ready to go through the gate as a back-up or on a rescue mission if the situation requires it!"

"Well, you will catch up on everything you missed during the last three years, I'll make sure of that." he said, leaning closer and brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss before getting out of the bed. "Now, let me take a shower and while you take yours, I'll fix us some breakfast. Trust me, Carter; you won't regret joining me on this little trip!"

She smiled, seeing the way his eyes were shining with excitement and got out of the bed herself, looking around in search of her clothes. It was a much more difficult task than she thought it would be. Jack could only grin, when he heard her shout to him did he have any idea where her bra was; she would probably never going to find out how on earth it got behind a small cabinet on the way to his bedroom. She looked outside the window in the kitchen, while she prepared coffee for both of them; she was surprised how comfortable she felt at his place, as if her being there in the morning was the most casual thing in the world. She was quite sure they wouldn't have a lot of days like this one – and even then, they could be recalled to base at any moment if they were needed – but she had a feeling that life with Jack O'Neill as something more than her CO would be exciting and was looking forward to discovering just how much.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I'd like to thank everyone, who take their time to let me know what they think about this story. I truly appreciate it. Also, big thank you to _**Byrhthelm**_ for correcting my mistakes. My computer broke down, though, I use my parents' computers whenever I can get onto them (what isn't often) and don't know when I will have mine back, so it might be a longer while before a possible update. But the truth is, I am not sure if I shouldn't leave this story here despite still having some plot for it in mind, and would appreciate some information whether you want me to continue or not.

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**CHAPTER 4**

She had never really been one of those people, who waited impatiently for a day off, so they could have some fun outside of the mountain. Quite the contrary, she would usually spend them in her lab, working on an alien device, which had been brought to Earth to be examined or, if she was ordered to leave the base for more than a night, she would bring some work home with her. The truth was, she didn't really have much of a social life outside of SGC and knowing that one way or another, she would end up spending the time on her own, she figured that for all it was worth, she night as well do some work. It was much more productive than the only alternative – sitting on the couch and reading a book or watching a movie, and she really hated sitting around and being lazy.

Even though she had lived in Colorado Springs for over three years now, she didn't really have many friends outside of the base; friends with whom she could spend her days off, anyway. The truth was, that pretty much everyone she knew in this place were people, who were in one way or another connected to the program. Her work schedule, as well as the fact that what she was doing was highly classified, definitely didn't give much opportunity to socialise. Even if the nature of what she was doing didn't exactly make it easy to make friends – considering that when it came to the topic of what she was doing, she had to either lie or say that it was classified, she often had a feeling that people were finding her suspicious rather than trustworthy, and she couldn't blame them. She wasn't really able to do anything to prove them otherwise.

This time, however, it was different. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had so much fun and she definitely wasn't going to regret her decision to change her habits. For the first time in years, she could forget about all her worries for at least a moment, and simply enjoy herself. She could feel completely carefree and take pleasure in spending time with the man she loved, without the need to hide her feelings for him. It might have not been the wisest thing, considering that there was still a chance, even if it was a slim chance, that they could run into someone who really shouldn't see the two of them together acting in an unprofessional way, but they decided not to care.

It was Jack's idea, and even though initially she had some doubts if it was a good one, it didn't take him long to persuade her.

"We're going to have to do enough hiding when we return to the base. Let's be ourselves, just for today – we'll be careful. We have no idea when will be the next time we get to enjoy your company for a whole day, without the fate of the galaxy resting on our shoulders. Let's use this opportunity not to have to pretend that there is nothing between us, when we had agreed that it's not exactly true…" he spoke, standing in the living room of her house, while she was walking around and collecting everything that she was going to need. She eventually stopped in front of him, ready to go and he sighed heavily. From the way she was looking at him, he could easily guess that she wasn't sure. "Come on, Carter! Let's enjoy it, while we can..!"

He was aware that there wasn't anything he could say to convince her, but at the same time, he could see the temptation in her eyes and he knew that there was a chance to make her succumb to it. With a hint of smile on his face, he reach out his hands and after tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, he placed them on each side of her face, caressing her soft skin with his thumbs. He met her gaze and he knew, that it wasn't like she didn't want to go along with his idea, but she was simply worried.

"Sam… I'm not going to insist but… I'm just happy about... _this…_" he gestured between the two of them, so that she would have no doubts that he was speaking about the change in their relationship."Tomorrow we're going back to SGC and you know as well as I do, that we can't give even a hint that something has changed, while all I want is to celebrate. Having a day off today is like the most perfect thing that could happen, because it gives me – or us, if you feel even a bit of the happiness that's filling me – a chance to simply enjoy ourselves and _this_."

She could feel her heartbeat quicken when she saw the emotions in his eyes. For a man, who had difficulties speaking about his emotions, she believed that he was doing a very good job, although it was his eyes that were truly speaking volumes. If he wanted to, Jack O'Neill could be very good at hiding or disguising his thoughts and feelings, but his eyes usually reflected what was truly inside his soul or, like in this case, emphasized those feelings. She smiled; the happiness, which was filling her entire being made her want to dance, sing, rejoice, and although for some reason she found it a little difficult to imagine, she was starting to understand that it was the same for him.

"So, whaddya think?" he spoke again, when she still didn't say anything. The big grin on her face was the answer in itself, but she still nodded her head with a quick 'okay' and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulled him closer for a kiss.

Despite her worries, she had a feeling that she wasn't going to regret it and she definitely didn't. She not only had a lot of fun, but also got the opportunity to see the side of Jack, which she has only caught glimpses of before. She dared to believe that she was one of the people in SGC, who knew him best, and it was in fact true, but on that day she realised that it was just a part of who he really was. _Colonel_ O'Neill was the person, who she knew very well; _Jack_ O'Neill, however, was an entirely different matter and he surprised her more than a couple of times during the whole day.

The hike in the park was great and she could only regret that she hadn't found time to go there before. Even though they were both fit, by the time they reached the peak they were both really tired and breathless. It was all because of the pace they established and also because they chose the most difficult trail, although the bet they agreed on – that the last one on top was paying for dinner, surely had some influence on it as well. She shook her head, looking at her companion, when she was standing at the end of the path, bent in half, with her hands supported on her knees, trying to steady her breathing. He was standing in a similar position, with a huge grin on his face and impish sparkles in his eyes; she could do nothing bur smile in her turn, while she thought how much during their little trip he had reminded her of a mischievous, excited little boy who had something playful constantly on his mind. She liked it, though; it seemed as if he was doing it all to cheer her up and it was working - she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much.

"Next time we have some time off, we definitely have to do something like this again!" she said, smiling at him, when they were slowly making their way down another, this time easier trail.

Jack grinned with satisfaction. She had this expression on her face, which was always able to have his heart race wildly in his chest; she was smiling widely, her big, blue eyes shining with happiness and something more, something he couldn't exactly label, but that filled his heart with a warmth that he hadn't felt in a long time. He was glad to see her obviously enjoying herself – he knew Carter could be a real lab rat, and getting her away from her research and experiments had been on his mind for quite some time. It was the main reason why he invited her to his cabin, other than the fact that he would have loved her company of course, even though some would probably say it wasn't exactly appropriate. He was disappointed, when she turned down his invitation, although he had no doubts that she was tempted to accept it – whether she would eventually go with him or not, he was never going to know thanks to Thor, and he didn't really get any other opportunity to make sure she wasn't spending her free time working. Until now.

"Ya sure you betcha!" he stated, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer as they walked. She was slightly taken aback by his gesture, but definitely didn't mind it and it didn't take her long to wrap hers around his waist.

As much as he was much more open about his feelings for her, not hiding them as carefully as he was used to, he was also true to his word. The chance of running into someone they knew wasn't all that high, and it definitely felt good not to have to keep it all away, but they still needed to be careful – and so he was. Other than a few quick, gentle kisses, he didn't really allow himself to make his affections absolutely obvious. He had never really been one to express them publicly – well, maybe thirty years earlier, when he was a hormone-driven teenager he wasn't really bothered by it, but it wasn't really comparable to the mature feelings that he held for Sam. As much as he certainly didn't have anything against making out with Sam, he definitely wasn't going to do it there and then, simply because he felt like it – he was too old for that. It didn't mean, however, that he wasn't going to express them differently, and Sam definitely didn't miss it in his looks, smiles, even the possessiveness of his grip when he was holding her. In a discreet, yet a way very much Jack O'Neill sort of way, he made her feel loved and happier, than she ever thought she could be. She could only hope that she was able to do the same for him.

"Damn…" he muttered, when he found himself lying in her bed much later.

He really wished he didn't have to leave and while he knew it wasn't absolutely necessary, it would be better, safer and easier this way. The fact that neither of them wanted to part, for the day to end was what the main reason why he actually ended up there. He was simply supposed to drop her at her place and return to his own house, not accept her invitation for coffee. Still, they were doing everything they could to prolong the inevitable because they were both aware that next time they saw each other, Jack and Sam would have to go away for the time being and they would have to be back to the Colonel and the Major, what neither was looking forward to. And now, resting in the warmth of her bed, with his arm around her shoulders, holding her close while she slept snuggled up to him he felt incredibly cosy and all he could think about was how much he wanted to stop fighting the desire to just close his eyes and doze off as well.

It was a matter of leaving now or in the early morning though, and he knew that it would only be more difficult then. With a heavy sigh, he carefully untangled them and slipped out from under her, laying her on the pillows. A corner of his mouth twitched in a lop-sided smile when he saw her immediately snuggle up to the one on which his head had rested just seconds before. He stood up and got dressed, picking up her clothes as well and placing them on the chair, which was standing by the wall.

"Jack..?" he turned around, when he heard her sleepy voice followed by the sound of rustling sheets and winced, seeing her sit up.

"Sorry, didn't want to wake you…" he said softly, approaching her and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Go back to sleep."

She stared at him blankly for a moment, without understanding what was going on. It was only after a moment that she nodded her head and rested her head back on her pillows, allowing him to tuck her in. She was practically asleep, when she felt him brush her hair away from her face and place a gentle kiss on her temple, but she still smiled a little. Jack sighed again, looking at her; he really hated the thought of walking away, but he knew he had no choice. He stood up and as quietly as he could, he walked out of the house, collecting her spare key on his way and it was only when he stood by his truck that he allowed himself to turn around. The dull ache in his heart was back, although slightly different this time. He would see her in the morning, and even though it wasn't going to be the same, at least he had something to look forward to now.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I apologize for this huge delay, which is mostly the result of a malfunction of my e-mail... Anyway, I planned to go straight to the plot I have in mind for this story, but then remembered about Tangent, and decided that it would be a shame not to use it in this story in some way. I hope you will enjoy this chapter and that it'll make up for the long wait. And, as always, big thanks to _byrhthelm_ for correcting my mistakes.

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**CHAPTER 5**

Jack and Sam knew that keeping the change in their relations a secret wasn't going to be easy, no matter how hard they tried. They were constantly reminded of the purpose behind the anti-fraternisation regulations, and the nature of their duties didn't work to their advantage when it came to hiding the fact that they were consciously breaking them. Situations that SG1 was constantly getting into made it extremely difficult for both of them to keep their act as commanding officer and subordinate, and it wasn't only when the life of one or both of them was in danger, although it was the worst circumstance.

Ever since they decided to give it a try, they used pretty much every opportunity that came up to spend some time together and get to know each other on a more personal level, and they could already see results. The one that Jack liked the most was that Sam seemed to finally overcome the deep-rooted sense of respect, which made her feel slightly awkward whenever she was doing her best to act towards him not like towards her superior but a partner, and was acting much more natural when they didn't have to keep up appearances. On the other hand, it also made her more ready to voice her opinion when she didn't agree with him or start a argument, which piqued some peoples' curiosity. Personally, however, Jack didn't see it as a problem – after all, it was impossible for two people, especially when they were as different as the two of them, to agree on everything; he was actually quite happy that she did speak up instead of simply following his lead – he would find it rather creepy otherwise – and it was a good thing in a relationship.

There were moments, when they found it difficult to believe how easily they fell into this relationship, how natural it felt for them to be together. Perhaps it was because they knew each other before it happened, they were friends even and it was a very good basis for something of a more romantic nature, or because they simply belonged together as it would be suggested by the fact that 'they' were together in all the alternate realities they had encountered so far, even if there were only two of them, and they had managed to find each other even when all their memories were removed. It didn't really matter to either of them, though; they were happy together and even as more time passed, the more convinced they were becoming that it was indeed a good idea, despite the fact that it meant putting everything at risk.

So, while they were trying their best to keep their relationship outside the base, it turned out not to be entirely possible. They didn't really do anything, that would blatantly indicate what was happening and most of the people seemed unaware of the change – or if they noticed it, they didn't plan to remark upon it. Still, there were a couple of people, who they didn't manage to fool and while they didn't have any proof that their conjectures were good, they were quite certain that they in fact were. They were limited to those, who knew the two of them best, who spent the biggest amount of time with them and, who also knew what occurred during the za'tarc testing, so were aware of the presence of their feelings in the first place so it wasn't difficult for them to sense the difference, no matter how much Sam and Jack tried. They weren't able to pretend that the tension hanging between them almost since the very beginning of their acquaintance, even if still present, was the same and there was also something in the glances and smiles they exchanged, or even in the way Sam's cheeks reddened a little, that was suggesting a closeness, which wasn't there before. It was very subtle, though and if they didn't know them so well, they wouldn't have noticed.

Daniel and Teal'c were the first to get suspicious, when they caught Jack walking through the corridors of the base on the day following the one they had off. There was a smug, slightly dreamy expression on his face, a bounce in his step and he was whistling. He was holding a bowl of blue jello in his hand and it left no doubts about his destination. The two men exchanged glances; one of the Jaffa's eyebrows was raised high in his famous way, while both of Jackson's almost reached his hairline.

"Danny, T!" he spoke, when he saw his friends.

"O'Neill." answered Teal'c, bowing his head a little bit in a greeting.

"Is everything okay?" asked Daniel, eying the older man curiously and suspiciously.

The moment he saw him he noticed that O'Neill seemed different, as if truly cheerful and he immediately started to wonder what had happened to cause it. It was the first time that he saw him like this, without the shadow of his soul shining through the tiny moment of happiness or through the sarcastic Jack O'Neill façade that he was hiding a big part of himself behind. Today it looked like at least a part of his walls was down and whatever made it happen, Daniel didn't have doubts that it had to be huge.

"Just peachy, Daniel! Why shouldn't it be?"

As they followed O'Neill on his way to Sam's lab, both Daniel and Teal'c noticed that Jack seemed completely unaware of all the curious, surprised looks that he was getting. He was acting as if it was the most casual thing to see him like this, or was completely unaware that his behaviour wasn't exactly normal. It quickly became obvious that it was the latter.

"It's just that, well… You don't really seem like yourself, you know? Has something happened?" Daniel's curiosity only grew, when he noticed a mix of shock and panic flash in Jack's eyes, but they disappeared as quickly as showed up. He soon found himself receiving an incredulous, dubious look but the glimpse was enough to let him know that he was on to something. To get it out of his friend, however, was going to be quite a challenge. "Don't look at me like this! I haven't seen you for a day and today you look like a cat that swallowed the canary!"

Crap! It was the first thing that came to his mind when he heard that. In that moment, he looked at his friends really carefully for the first time on that day and noticed the way they were looking at him. It made him realise that he might have not been hiding his good humour as well as he thought, if he could judge by the looks he was receiving from absolutely everyone around. It probably had to be an interesting sight to see him carrying the bowl of blue jello to his second-in-command, something he hadn't done before. What seemed like a perfect plan to give her the spare key back, was now slowly falling apart. He was convinced that bringing Sam her favourite treat and slipping the small envelope with the key and note under it wouldn't be found suspicious, but he could see now that it had a lot of flaws. The biggest one was that whenever he thought that she needed to take a break and eat something, he would just find a way to take her to the commissary and make sure she ate a decent meal, not bring her a snack. And considering how happy he felt, how light in his heart, for the first time in a very long time – probably since Charlie – he was ready to believe that some of this happiness could be leaking out.

Since that moment he decided to be even more careful and as he didn't find himself in any similar situation again, he figured he must have succeeded. He also noticed that, for some reason, despite the fact that every now and then Sam did allow her feelings to come to the surface and be seen, nobody found it as strange as it happened with him. He was aware that it didn't really slip anyone's attention, as she mentioned that both Daniel and Janet figured that there had to be a man in her life and they tried their best to get some information from her. Only Teal'c acted like he has figured it out quickly and correctly, if the knowing looks he was sending in his direction when Jack realised that he caught him watching Carter could be any indication. How he did that, however, he had no idea but he was certainly grateful that the Jaffa decided to keep everything to himself.

Despite those difficulties and the fact that they felt really bad at having to hide the truth from people they cared about, especially Daniel and Janet, or going against what they believed in, breaking all the regulations, there had never been a moment when either of them thought that their decision was a mistake and that it would be better if they decided to end things between them. There wasn't a lot of time that they could spend together outside of the SGC, but they were making the most of it and they were in agreement, that it was making up for everything.

The line they were walking was thin and everything almost fell apart when Jack and Teal'c were drifting in space in the X-301. While she was trying to find a way to bring the two of them back, she felt like she was going to lose her mind. It was only the consciousness that she had to keep it together, that their lives could depend on what she was going to come up with, that allowed her to take a grip on herself and work. Remembering to keep appearances, not to let anyone see that there was more between her and Jack than there should be, was all forgotten but luckily for her, nobody found her behaviour strange. They could all remember how hard she worked when the Colonel was stuck on Edora, so seeing her so desperate to find a solution was seen as something normal, if not expected.

"Sam…" Daniel addressed her, when they went to prepare for the mission. They were going off-world to find the Tok'ra, explain the situation and convince them to help and he couldn't help feeling worried because of the state Sam was in. The stubborn expression in her features suggested that she was ready for absolutely anything to reach her goal, and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing. In fact, he could think of much more bad scenarios it could lead to than good ones, and the last thing he wanted was to see her get killed through making a wrong move at a wrong time.

"Sam, look at me." he repeated, more insistently when she didn't react. She turned around, obviously taken aback by the tone of his voice and looked at him questioningly. Her eyes made him realise just how desperate she was; she was doing a very good job at pretending that everything was okay with her, but it was all there in her gaze. This situation was slowly killing her and she was just a tiny little step from breaking apart.

"Daniel, we don't have time! We have to get moving! Every second counts and if we get there only to find out that if it wasn't for this five minutes, we would bring them home alive…"

"We _will _bring them home alive!" he spoke, placing his hands on her shoulders and shaking her gently to get her out of the little trance that she seemed to fall into. "He's not going to give up. He knows that you're going to move heaven and earth to find a way out of this situation and I am sure that this is what he is holding on to."

He didn't even care to keep the plural form, acting as if he was completely oblivious to what was truly going on. From the way she looked at him, he knew that he hit exactly the right place. He kept watching her all the time and the more time passed, it seemed more obvious to him that the reason of her going out of her mind so much was that Jack's life was in danger and she was terrified by the idea that she could lose him. It all seemed so perfectly clear now, that the reason for the positive change in his friend's lives and behaviour was the other, and he couldn't help wondering how he hadn't noticed it before. The truth was, however, that he knew how – it was the belief that they would never, ever, go against the rules, which were keeping them apart, that made him unable to see what was right in front of him.

"Daniel, I… I just…" she started in a shaking voice and looked up at him. She didn't even try to hide her emotions any longer, the way he was looking at her making her see that he knew, that he understood and didn't condemn her and she just let out a long breath, allowing the tears, which she was trying to keep away, to fall down her face. "I can't lose him…" she eventually sobbed out. She didn't put up any resistance, when he pulled her close and just hid her face in his chest, allowing him to try and comfort her, to give her the support that she needed and simply cried, letting go of at least some of the emotions that were bottled up inside her.

"I know, I know… You'll see, everything will be okay… He'll be back here before you know it, disturbing us at any possible moments, making all those comments and just being… well, himself." he said, when he noticed her calm down and felt her move away a little. She nodded her head, wiping the wet traces away from her cheeks and trying to smile. "Come on, they are out there waiting for you to come up with a brilliant idea and we can't let them down."

"God, I feel so terrible… Teal'c is out there as well, his life in danger just as much as Jack's and while I am aware of it, all I can focus on is…"

"Sam..!" he interrupted her. "Your main focus might be on Jack, it's understandable because he is the one of the two that means a whole lot more to you than anyone else, but I know that you care about Teal'c, too and while you may not feel it right now, I know that at least a part of you is driven by the want to have him back, too. Now, let's move and get to our friends."

They finished the preparation in silence and they were soon ready to leave, all dressed and armed. The awareness that their friends' lives depended on whether or not they were going to be successful in their little mission was weighing heavily on their hearts but they didn't have a choice. If they wanted to see the two of them back, they couldn't wait for the Tok'ra to be ready to help them – they needed to take matters in their own hands and it was exactly what they were going to do, even if it was extremely dangerous.

"Daniel?" she spoke to him, just before they stepped through the gate and the man turned his head to look at his companion. "Thanks."

The smile he sent her not only left no doubts that she was welcome, but also assured her that he wasn't angry that they didn't include him in what was going on. If she could read anything about this in his look, it was that he was happy for them and would do everything to ensure that there was a future for them to look forward to.

It was the thought that she was going to hold on to. A future with Jack O'Neill, which she knew that she wanted. There might have been just several weeks, they might have never talked about this _thing_ between them or about their feelings ever since reaching the agreement that they wanted to give it a try, but she knew that she loved him. If there were any doubts in her mind about the seriousness of her feelings for him, they were completely gone; it wasn't just a physical attraction, a very bad case of a hero worship or a fleeting infatuation. They could be what it all started with - her attraction to _Colonel _O'Neill, but getting to know the man that he truly was only made her feelings grow stronger. And she definitely needed to talk to him about it, because there was no way she was going to survive another situation like this.

Right now, however, she had to focus on bringing him back and with that in mind, she stepped through the Stargate.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thank you very much for the response to the previous chapter. It's nice to see that there are still people out there, who read this story. As always thanks to _Byrthelm_ for his invaluable help. And now, I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

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**CHAPTER 6**

She didn't think that she had ever been so relieved in her life as in the moment when they nudged the luckless X-301 and got a reaction from Jack. For a couple of seconds she felt like her heart had stopped and her stomach twisted painfully, when they didn't get any acknowledgement from either O'Neill or Teal'c that they noticed her, Daniel and Jacob's arrival. She feared that they were too late and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do most: to cry, scream or throw up. She prayed for any sign that they were still alive and when they finally got one, it took all her willpower not to throw herself at Daniel or Jacob in a welter of relief and happiness, but focus on getting Jack and Teal'c into the ship.

To say that she was surprised to see that the Tok'ra they came to find was her father would be a huge understatement. Even though she was aware that it was possible as neither she nor Daniel knew who exactly they were looking for but he was one of the last of their allies she expected to see. She wasn't sure if she was happy about the meeting because of it's potential to end disastrously, especially if Jacob realised that there was way more to Sam's concern than she wanted to make him believe. Still, she couldn't deny that it definitely had its advantages as well, because they didn't need to worry that they weren't going to recognise the person they were looking for, and convincing Jacob to help them was probably much easier than it would have been if it had been any other of the Tok'ra, although it was possible that Freya and Anise would willingly help them as well, Sam bitterly thought.

Jack mentioned the awkward conversation she had with these two when they were suspected to be Za'tarcs, when on one of the evenings that they spent together at his house they started to share what they thought to be the most uncomfortable situations that they had found themselves in ever since joining the program. She had no doubts that it actually slipped out of his mouth before he managed to bite his tongue when she saw the careless expression be replaced by a frown and he looked at her with a mix of panic and apology in his widened eyes. Even the awareness present in her mind that he mentioned this moment as awkward, uncomfortable and something he definitely didn't want to relive wasn't able to prevent her from feeling upset.

"_Carter! "You can't be serious..!" he exclaimed, disbelief very clear in his voice, when he saw the smile she had on her face just seconds ago fade. He had seen the expression, which appeared on her face instead at least once during the whole time that they worked together. It was very similar to the one she had when they came to get him from Edora and he walked up to Laira, wanting to say goodbye and invite her to go with them to Earth. He completely ignored it back then but later, when he found out just how hard she worked to find a way for him to go back home, its memory made him feel guilty and this feeling only intensified, when she admitted that she was hurt by his actions and jealous. Right now, however, it seemed extremely ridiculous to him. _

_Yes, he wasn't surprised to see that she was neither happy to hear that or even slightly amused by the situation. He might have not been the best at this whole relationship business, but even he knew that it wasn't something one should so casually mention to his girlfriend. He couldn't help flinching a little at the word, it felt a little strange to think about Carter as such when it didn't seem to reflect the seriousness, which he thought about their relationship with. Yet, at the same time, he couldn't find a better one. Thinking about her as a lover was like reducing what they had just to its physicality, a partner felt a little too impersonal and beloved didn't only seem like taken from a sappy movie, but also didn't exactly carry the rather significant message that what they shared was mutual and that they were together. So, while he certainly wasn't shocked by her reaction to this unfortunate slip – he could only thank God that he managed to bite his tongue before he mentioned the kiss – he didn't expect to see an expression on her face, which he was pretty sure he was quite sure he wore every time he saw her with Martouf, Narim or any other man, who didn't try to hide his interest in her. _

"_Come on! You _can't_ be jealous about her..!_

"_Well, I don't think you're going to deny that she is attractive, intelligent and…" _

"… _happens to put us in a mortal danger situation every time our paths cross!" he interrupted, finishing the sentence for her. "For crying' out loud, Carter, she has a snake in her head! And if that wasn't enough, a snake that is obviously attracted to Daniel, what makes it even more creepy!" _

She could see his point; she knew how he felt towards the Tok'ra and the way he talked about it, it was rather clear that he didn't really have any positive feelings in regard to this situation. There was also a fact that if there was anything that nobody could doubt about Jack O'Neill, it would be that he was extremely faithful with his feelings. She still remembered the one time, when she met his ex-wife and even though by then they had been divorced for over two years, Sam could see that at that time he still wasn't completely over Sara. He did seem to have moved on quite notably since then and if she was to believe Daniel, as she never dared to ask, it would be because of a conversation that he was forced to have with the woman, but she was pretty sure that Sara would always remain an important part of his life, even if only because of all the memories associated with Charlie and he would never stop caring about her. It wasn't a thought that made Sam happy but it certainly allowed her to feel quite secure in this relationship, especially combined with the fact that even though he didn't really talk about it, he was doing his best to show her that he cared about her, but it was simply stronger than her. And because of that, she felt quite relieved to see that it wasn't Anise and Freya that they encountered but her father, and she figured she should actually be quite happy to see him for a whole lot more reasons than just this one, even despite his reaction.

Jacob didn't try to hide his anger when they explained what had happened and even though Sam knew he would complain about their stupidity for a very long time, there hadn't been a moment of doubt that he was going to help them. He liked and respected both, Teal'c and O'Neill despite Selmak's slightly hostile attitude towards the first and that he found the latter to be quite infuriating at times. Still, even though he wasn't going to admit it out-loud, he knew what a huge loss for the entire galaxy it would be if the two men didn't survive and he didn't want to be accused of neglecting something so important as saving their lives, when he could do that. He also didn't want to risk his restored relationship with his daughter as in that moment he was pretty much the men's only hope and Sam would never forgive him if he didn't do everything in his power to save them. The memory of how she, along with her brother, blamed him for her mother's death was too fresh in his mind, but he also remembered all too well what it was like to lose her mother, a person he still loved very much and if he could, he wanted to spare his daughter that pain.

He knew that they were both very important to her, one way more than the other and more than Jacob would wish. He might have not been in SGC at the time, but he was aware of everything what happened while she and Jack were believed to be Za'tarcs, including what had been said during their second testing and it only confirmed the suspicions that he already had about Sam and her CO. He had watched them for quite some time now, ever since Selmak remarked what a fine couple they were and even though back then he immediately denied even the slightest possibility of it ever being true, his inseparable companion wasn't convinced and after observing the interaction between the two officers more closely, neither was he anymore. There were moments, when the retired General in him screamed about its impropriety, that he wished he had been oblivious to it, but it was difficult with a voice in his head mentioning every little detail that proved his initial belief to be wrong. When he knew what to look for, he suddenly found it difficult not to notice the looks they exchanged, seeming to carry on a whole conversation during the short moment when they eyes locked, the hint of smile at the corner of their lips, the way O'Neill always kept an eye on her to make sure that she was fine or how Sam always found his jokes funny, even if she tried to suppress her reaction and was often the only one amused.

He sighed, slowly approaching the entrance to the cargo bay and looked at all members of SG-1 present inside. The first person he saw was his daughter, sitting with her back leaning against the wall, her eyes fixed on O'Neill, whose head was resting in her lap, one of her hands gently fiddling with the man's hair. Daniel and Teal'c were on the other side of the room, the Jaffa in a much better shape than the team's leader, both acting as if they were completely oblivious to the affectionate display just a couple of metres away.

"We reached Earth," he spoke, his gaze on Sam and he noticed her jump a little, startled by his voice breaking the complete silence in the room.

She looked up sheepishly, realising that her father had just nabbed her when she allowed herself to lower her guard for a moment and show her feelings. Her cheeks reddened when she met his eyes, but she didn't see any anger in them. She was surprised as she expected that not only would he be furious to understand the truth behind her relationship with Jack, but also wouldn't hesitate to voice his wrath, yet nothing indicated that she was right. It could be Selmak's influence as she was always doing her best to restrain him, but she usually did that by taking over after he made his feelings clear. Or she simply didn't know her father as well as she thought she did, which was much more possible than she wished.

"Dad…" she addressed him a few moments later, when the Colonel and Teal'c were taken to the infirmary accompanied by Daniel and they were the last to remain on the ship. He was about to follow, when she placed her hand on his arm, stopping him.

He turned around and she didn't need to say anything for him to know why exactly she did that. She was chewing on her bottom lip, clearly uncomfortable and wondering how to start this conversation. He smiled reassuringly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"That's okay Sammie, you don't need to explain anything," he said and chuckled, when he saw the confusion, which was written all over her face. "Look, Selmak and I are aware that there has been something going on between the two of you for some time now. I am not going to lie and say that I'm extremely happy for you because honestly? I have very conflicted feelings about this whole thing and even though Selmak is one of your biggest supporters and is trying to convince me otherwise, I am not sure if it's a good idea. Do you realise what will happen if anyone ever finds out about it? There are a lot of people, who would kill to have something like this to discredit you, SG-1 and even the whole program, and I am sure that they will not stop until they make sure that you get the highest penalty provided in the rules. You will lose everything Sam, _everything_ and I am not sure if an affair with your commanding officers is actually worth it!" he hissed, looking around to make sure that there was nobody around, who could overhear them.

"_Jacob..!_" he heard Selmak's voice in his head, giving him a warning not to overact.

"It _is _worth it," Sam hissed back, feeling the anger rise inside her. "Look Dad, the last few weeks made me realise that the initial decision that we made about trying to act as if it doesn't exist was the biggest mistake we could have made. We are both aware of the risk, do you really think we hadn't considered them? But we still decided to give it a try, because the only other option was one of us leaving the SGC and we aren't ready to make such a huge decision for something uncertain. After all, we could figure out that it's not working, decide to split up and let's assume I transferred somewhere else, I would forever regret giving up such a huge adventure for a relationship. Yes, of course, it could…"

"Sam," he spoke in a stern voice, interrupting her. He knew she could go on for much longer, but it wasn't time and place for it. It seemed that they didn't just jump into this relationship on a whim, but actually thought about their options and it, combined with the passion that Sam was ready to defend the whole matter with, made him feel better. "As I would have said if you hadn't interrupted, it's still your life and I learnt my lesson about trying to interfere. I only want to know one thing – are you happy?"

Sam look at her father with disbelief. She expected a lecture, a whole list of arguments why he thought that she had lost her mind and was more than ready for a huge fight, even if it would result in getting estranged with him again. It didn't come though, and there was nothing in his gaze but sincerity. Obviously, her father had changed way more than she would believe.

"Yes Dad, I am," she said, her lips widening in a smile.

Jacob nodded his head, fighting the urge to roll his eyes when he heard Selmak's remark that his daughter's happiness was absolutely apparent. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he led her out of the ship.

"Come on, let's go to the infirmary."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** After more rewrites than I cared to count, I'm finally updating! It's a short chapter but I just felt the need to write something shippy and rather fluffy and this appeared in my mind. I hope you're going to like it. As always, thanks to **byrhthelm** for correcting my mistakes and thanks to those, who let me know what they think about the story. I truly appreciate it!

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**CHAPTER 7**

Much to everyone's relief, Janet quickly determined that there would to be no negative repercussions for either of the two members of SG-1. It was just a matter of a few days before they were both released from the infirmary, Teal'c - thanks to his symbiote - much sooner than O'Neill and that definitely did nothing to improve the leader's mood. Quite the contrary. He was well known for his grumpiness during his stays in that place and it only seemed to get worse this time and the whole staff was truly relieved, when the CMO finally allowed him to leave.

There was no hesitation in his step, when he walked out onto the corridors of the Stargate Command and made his way to Carter's lab. She had visited him at least a couple of times every day during his stay in the infirmary, coming to see him just after arriving in SGC, during lunch break and before she left the mountain, sometimes showing up also when she heard that he was being particularly insufferable. She actually admitted to him that despite the assurance that he was alright, she was still feeling bad seeing him in the infirmary and it was the main reason why he decided to pay her a visit the moment he was out of there. That and the fact that he wanted to invite her to dinner so that he could finally spend some time with her away from the prying eyes, as well as show her how grateful he was for everything she had done to bring him and Teal'c back to Earth.

He was really surprised, when he found her office empty. He even managed to open his mouth to greet her before he stopped dead in his tracks, realising that she wasn't there. He stepped inside anyway and sat down in her chair, determined to wait for her. She was Carter after all, she wouldn't leave the mountain without a really good reason and she hadn't mentioned anything, either. His eyes fell on an alien device, which must have been brought to Earth by one of the other teams, as he had never see it before. He smiled a little, when he noticed the note attached to it, with a "DO NOT TOUCH" written on it in a familiar handwriting. He couldn't sit still for long though and after ten minutes he started to become restless, not to mention that curiosity was getting better off him. Sam obviously didn't expect his visit as she surely knew by now that a note like this would only work as an encouragement for him. It was just a matter of time before he carefully picked it up and he was truly surprised, when absolutely nothing happened.

It was only when he moved to place it back on her desk, completely confused, that he noticed a small, folded piece of paper, which had been lying underneath the device. He smirked, when he straightened to take a better look at it and saw the letter "J" on it. Yes, she obviously knew him well and he was terribly wrong. It seemed that she actually counted on him paying her a visit here and left it on purpose and he found the confirmation inside the note.

_"I knew it! Come to my place when you're free, Sam. PS: Don't worry, the device is inactive."_

He shook his head, smiling fatuously. He could almost see the smug expression on her face upon finding out that her little plan worked just like she wanted. She even thought about letting him know that there would be no side effects to his curiosity, knowing he would start to wonder what exactly was this thing doing, although he didn't think it was truly necessary after he understood her intentions. It wasn't like she would use something potentially dangerous if pretty much all she wanted was to raise his curiosity, but he appreciated it anyway.

Hiding the note in his pocket, he put the device back on her desk and walked out, heading towards the exit. On Janet's suggestion – although she was ready to make it doctor's orders if necessary – he had the rest of the day off and Hammond even told him to stay at home the next day, and he couldn't help wondering what it was that Sam was up to. It looked like she wasn't on base after all, what was surprising in itself, and he had a feeling that it was something good. He didn't even make a stop at his own place on the way, only drove straight to her and knocked to the door.

"Oh, hey!" she said, when she opened them. Her eyes lit up, when she saw him and she flashed him a radiant smile. "Come in," she added, stepping to the side and later closing the door behind him.

He turned around and was just about to ask what she had in mind inviting him there, when he felt her body pressed against him in a tight embrace. She wrapped her arms around him, hiding her face in the crook of his neck and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and allowing his familiar scent to envelop her. She could feel that he was quite clearly taken aback; it was rather obvious with how tense his body suddenly became, but it didn't take him long to get over it. Before she knew it, he relaxed and hugged her back, although wasn't able to completely get rid of slight awkwardness, something she wasn't surprised by. He wasn't really good at dealing with upset people and it was always present in him, even when he was the one to offer a comforting hug, but even worse when he was taken by surprise, like now.

"I've been waiting to do this for the last few days," she explained, when she eventually withdrew and saw his questioning look.

It was a very difficult period of time for her, even after they had brought him and Teal'c back. She didn't move away from his bed during the first day of his stay in the infirmary until he eventually supported Janet in her attempts to force her to leave, but being with him was hardly enough consolation. It was extremely difficult for her to control herself, when all she wanted was to hold his hand, caress his face or let him know that she was there in any other way, but she couldn't. She had to remember where she was, that nobody should see her act so intimately with her and even though it was killing her and she really felt like she didn't care anymore, the awareness that he wouldn't be happy with it was enough to make her keep these feelings at bay.

"For a moment there I thought I had lost you and…" she stalled, affected even by the memory of what she had gone through when she wasn't sure if they would be able to actually help them. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, thanks for that," he smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Not like there was even a moment when I doubted you would come, but it wasn't exactly the sort of a rescue expected."

They walked further into the house, to the kitchen, where they took their drinks and moved to the living room. They sat down on the couch and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. He raised his eyebrows when she looked at him, feeling the question hanging in the air. His confusion grew while he wondered why she suddenly started to look so abashed. He started to wonder what could have caused it and tried to remember what happened after Sam, Daniel and Jacob had gotten to them, but it was all very fuzzy. It wasn't surprising, considering that he had been barely conscious at the time, and all he knew was what had been relayed to him.

"Carter..?"

"I've been very anxious and I might have had problems hiding this fact, especially with the time running out very quickly…" she said, slightly uncomfortable. "I know we agreed to keep it a secret and I really did try my best not to make it too obvious, but I haven't really been fully successful…"

"So, you're saying that some people know about this?" he gestured between the two of them. He was inclined to call it a relationship, it was exactly what it was for him but there was something preventing him from saying it out loud. He didn't even know what it was, neither did he understand it, but he still didn't dare to actually voice this thought. It was almost as if by doing so, he would make it seem more real, more serious and thus also easier to mess up, something he was terrified of doing. Besides, it wasn't like they had even talked about it and he wasn't sure if she saw it the same way he did.

"Well, just two…" she admitted, biting on her bottom lip and he wasn't able to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"For cryin' out loud, Carter, I'm not gonna bite your head off for that!" he exclaimed, frustrated with her fidgeting. "Okay, so I bet one of them is Daniel, so what? That's pretty much just a confirmation of what he had already suspected all along anyway. And I'm quite sure the same applies to Fraiser, so I don't really see any harm here."

"Right, I forgot about Janet. Make it three then. But, I was actually thinking about my father."

"What?" he asked, not sure if he heard correctly but the sheepish smile on her face confirmed that he did. "Oh crap! How come I'm still alive?"

"It's nothing like this! It's just, he wasn't exactly on the short list of people, that we agreed that they would probably figure it out sooner or later… I guess I might have made it quite obvious on our short trip back to Earth…" she said, thinking about the way he found them in a cargo bay. It was a rather dead giveaway. "But, all in all, he was actually surprisingly reasonable about it…"

"Reasonable, you say? He doesn't want me to suffer a slow, painful death, he just wants to torture me a little?"

She wasn't able not to laugh at that. She couldn't deny that it was what she had thought her father would be like if he found out what they were doing. It was one of the main reasons why he was on the list of people to actually prevent from finding out at one cost, right next to the fact that Jack expected he would be ready to go to Hammond and report him for taking advantage of his subordinate. Neither of them was looking forward to this, even if deep in their hearts they both felt that the chances that their CO would be way more sensible about it than his friends were quite high. But even despite this, his fair nature would force him to do the right thing and it would certainly mean a disaster.

"Nope. He pretty much told me that he's fine with it as long as I'm happy."

"Really?" he had to admit, it was a rather difficult thing to believe. "There's still hope for me, then, I just need to make sure you're happy."

"I am Jack," she stated, snuggling closer into him and closing her eyes. _I love you_, she added in her mind, not quite ready to admit it aloud. She wasn't sure either of them was ready for this kind of confession. They didn't really talk about it, but on those very rare occasions that one of them actually said something, anything about their feelings, love wasn't a word they would use.

"I have a day off tomorrow, you know? Any chance I could convince you to take one, too?"

"Quite a good one I'd say, considering that I've already done it. Daniel told me about it, he figured that after everything that happened, I'd like to spend some time with you. If anyone asks, I've got a few errands to run and decided to use the peaceful moment to take care of them."

"Very cunningly, Carter! I have to admit I didn't expect you making up excuses like this! Keep that up and I'll start to think that I really have a bad influence on you!"

"There's still a lot of things you don't know about me, Colonel" she grinned mischievously, playful sparkles shimmering in her eyes and she leaned towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss and effectively finishing the conversation.


End file.
